The Pressures of Potty Training a Little Girl

"You need to potty train that girl already!" "Oh, I think she's ready to be potty trained!" "She can talk, she doesn't need diapers."

Those were the comments I was getting shortly after my daughter turned two years old. I received endless advice and heard countless success stories. As if being in diapers at two was the worst possible situation for a little girl. Then almost as soon as I announced that I was pregnant with my third child the floodgates opened. Countless people were telling me that I had better hurry up and get that girl out of diapers before the new baby arrives. One of the statements I heard the most was, "Girls are so much easier to potty train." I was told stories of mothers potty training their little girls by 18 months of age and how simple it was to do. Basically, I was made to feel like my daughter was behind others her age and I had to catch her up to some invisible deadline.
At first I felt the pressure of wanting to please others and the yearning to have that accomplishment out of the way. I tried. I did. For a solid week I took away diapers. I bribed my 2 year old with Hershey chocolate kisses for using the toilet. I set timers and rushed her to the bathroom every 20-30 minutes after she drank something. I bought her "big girl" under ware. I sang and did a happy dance every time she made it to the toilet. She had ME trained to take her to the bathroom and it was exhausting.
However, after a few days the novelty wore off for her and for myself. Potty time became fight time. She didn't want to do it. I'd catch her hiding behind chairs or in the corner using the carpet as a restroom. I cleaned more messes then I care to remember. My carpet and my patience were suffering. It was frustrating. We were both frustrated, but I didn't want to give up, and I didn't want to fail. By the end of the week she was begging me to let her wear diapers again. She was adamant about wearing them. As a matter of fact, she started putting diapers on herself and changing them after they were soiled. We were both tired and it was obvious that SHE wasn't ready. So I stopped fighting and trying to bribe her to do something she evidently did not want to do. We let it go and I ignored the commentary and advice that I continued to receive.
Fast forward about 6 months. One day out of the blue my daughter looked at me and said, "No more diapers. I'm a big girl now." She took off her diaper, went to her dresser, pulled out the under ware that I had purchased for her months earlier, and put them on. Ever since that day she has been using the toilet. Some days I have to remind her to stop what she is doing and go, and there have been a few accidents every once in a while. Sometimes we've had to pick her up and rush her to the bathroom as quickly as possible. There have been times when we have been out shopping and she waits until we are on the farthest end of the store from the restroom to announce, "Mommy! I have to go potty!"
It's been an adventure for sure, but since that day when she decided she was done with diapers there has been no going back, only moving forward.
To be perfectly honest, dealing with diapers isn't the worst thing in the world. Every child is different and does things at their own speed and with their own style. I learned that my daughter is extremely independent and intelligent. She wants to do everything herself on her own timeline. Sometimes this can be challenging, but in the case of potty training I needed to allow her to do her own thing and not force her into something she wasn't fully comfortable with. She takes pride in her accomplishments, and you can see the satisfaction on her face. Letting her take the lead has given her confidence, which is a quality that I want all my children to possess. Being a mom is a journey and I've learned that there are going to be people pressuring me to do things a certain way or raise my children their way. Ultimately I need to do what is best and what works for MY family and remember that just because something might work for someone else's family doesn't mean that it will work for mine.