Being A Stay At Home Mom & College Student

Being a stay at home mom is not for everyone. Having worked full-time previously and now experiencing being at home all the time, I am struggling with balancing adult and child time. A few years ago when I worked full-time outside of the home I had plenty of adult interaction in the workplace.  Now seeing as I am a stay at home mom there is no daily reason for me to leave the house to socialize with other adults. Socializing takes an extra effort now, and quite honestly sometimes I'm just too worn out. 

Being slightly introverted means that I have to be careful not to completely isolate myself from the real world because to be honest it doesn't bother me to not leave the house everyday. Social media and texting keep me connected to friends and family on a daily basis. Sometimes that's enough for me. 
Add college courses, pregnancy, puppy and you have one stressed out momma at times.  My days consist of taking care of the needs of a 4 year old boy, 2.5 year old girl, 8 month old puppy, my husband and myself. I'm not going to lie, everyday isn't easy. Juggling it all lately has been difficult because I'm exhausted and in pain from pregnancy. 

When my college courses are in full swing I spend my mornings parked at the dining room table surrounded by my laptop and textbooks. I make the kids breakfast and let them watch cartoons while I read my textbooks. Then throughout the day I trade off between playing with the kids, reading/studying, cooking meals, cleaning up after meals, laundry, running errands, dropping off/picking up 4 year old from school, doctor appointments, sports, playing with dog, more homework, getting snacks/drinks, breaking up fights and more. 

My goal is to be the best mom I can be to my kids and to get great grades in all my college courses. Once I'm finished with my bachelors degree in a couple years I'll rejoin the workforce. By then my oldest two will be in school all day and only one will need daycare. Sometimes I really miss going to work 5 days a week and being around adults all day. Then I remember how much I missed my son while I was at work and how now I'm doing what is best for family and myself. Raising my children and furthering my education is what is important right now. As stressful as it can be I honestly couldn't imagine my life any different right now. In 50 years I will be able to look back and remember all the moments that I got to witness first hand with my kids. Those future memories I wouldn't trade for the best career in the world. 

Although this pic describes me perfectly when I do get the opportunity to leave the house kid-free: 

Co-Sleeping: Our Family Bed

Co-sleeping is one of the most controversial topics that I've come across in my almost 5 years of being a mom. It's a subject that sometimes I don't even want to bring up around certain groups of people because I don't feel like I should have to defend myself. When we tell the majority of people that our kids share our bed we often get negative reactions. I've been told that I need to get them to sleep in their own beds and that they are never going to leave our bed. The most heard phrase has been, "You'll be sorry!".  Immediately after learning that we bed share people assume that we want advice on how to stop or on how to get our kids out of the family bed and into their own beds. I don't think it even crosses their minds that it is ok with us. Or that we don't mind it. It's just one of those subjects that, in my opinion, is to each their own. It works for some families and doesn't for others. It just so happens to work for our family.

Our co-sleeping journey started almost immediately after our son was born. When we brought him home from the hospital he was put into a bassinet in a separate room to sleep at night. Only he didn't sleep. He would fall asleep in my arms after feedings only to wake up minutes after I lay him down. I was given advice to let him cry it out and told that I would only be spoiling him by picking him up and that he needed to be trained to sleep on his own. Which to me was absurd. How could I not respond to my newborn's cries? It took a few sleepless nights for me to realize that all he wanted was his momma, he needed me. It was like a wake up call. After spending 9 months carrying him inside of me and then being put in a room to sleep two days later where he couldn't see/feel/touch/smell me had to be terrifying for him. My mommy instincts kicked in and I trusted them wholeheartedly. We both weren't getting any sleep so I did what I thought was best....I moved into the room with him at night and guess what? Everyone got sleep. It was wonderful. Some nights he slept in his bassinet with my hand draped in and other nights I brought him in bed with me, while my husband slept peacefully in our room. As our son got older he would often times sleep in his crib in his own room for days at a time with no problem. Then before his first birthday he started having night terrors and we moved him in a pack n play next to our bed. Over the last four and a half years we let him determine on his own how comfortable he was sleeping alone. If he felt comfortable sleeping in a different room then we let him. We never turned him away when he came crawling into our bed halfway through the night.

When our 2nd child was born I didn't even attempt to separate her from myself at night. She was breastfed so we shared a bed, just the two of us, until she was bigger and slept through the night. At around 9 months she slept in her own room for a while, but we continued breast feeding until she was a little over 2 years of age. Now at just about 3 year old she is sleeping in our bed full-time.

I honestly wouldn't have it any other way right now. Most nights I end up sleeping at the end of our king sized bed with the kids sprawled out wherever they fall asleep. Whenever they have a bad dream or wake up scared they find either me or my husband to cuddle with and fall right back to sleep. Sometimes all it takes is for them to reach over and touch one of us to feel safe again. Some nights I wake up with a kick in the face or with both my kids fighting over who gets to share mommy's pillow.  Regardless, I wouldn't change our sleeping situation for anything. I feel so blessed to have that extra cuddle time with them every night and morning. There's just something special about being over to reach over in the middle of the night and feel that both my kids are sleeping and safe.

As for having clingy, dependent children (like the myth of co-sleeping talks about)....I feel like I have the opposite. Both my kids are relatively shy with people they don't know well, but so are my husband and myself. Once they know and trust someone their personalities shine through. They are both very independent and adventurous children. During the day my kids go off and play independently for pretty much the entire day. The only time they come to us is when they need help with something, want us to play a game with them, want to show us something they figured out, are hungry/thirsty, have to tell us a story about something that just happened, or if they are tired and want to lay down. I've been blessed with children who are very good at entertaining themselves, and never once have I heard them say that they are bored. Our oldest had no problem going off to preschool. There was no separation anxiety what so ever. In fact the first day I dropped him off he told me to leave. Our daughter had a little bit of a problem being dropped off at Sunday School, but after she realized that we always came back for her she ran to be dropped off.

Co-sleeping obviously isn't for everyone, but it works for us. It has built a trust between our children and ourselves. They know that they can come to us with whatever is bothering them and we will respond to them no matter what time of day/night. That trust is something that I hope will continue and grow even after they leave our room.

Thinking about Co-sleeping? Don't take my word for it. One of my favorite articles on co-sleeping by Dr. Sears: http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/sleep-problems/co-sleeping-yes-no-sometimes

Love Letters to Your Kids

A couple years ago I bought a simple notebook and started writing little love notes to my kids. Every once in a while I'll  pick it up and write a couple pages about things they are learning, how old they are, what they mean to me and silly things that they have been doing. Sometimes I go months or a year without writing to them because life gets so hectic, but my goal is to fill it up before they all reach 18 years old. It's just something that takes a few minutes here and there that I can leave my kids in the future. If something ever happens to me I want there to be something left behind with in my handwriting. Something they can physically hold. Something they can read that will tell them just how much they mean to me. 

Nearing the End of Pregnancy

I'm getting to the end of my pregnancy and sleep is rare, which isn't fun because once the baby comes I know full well that my sleep situation won't be getting much better. I'll be up every 2-3 hours for weeks breastfeeding a newborn, taking care of my other kids, studying, writing papers and attempting to stay sane. It's going to be an interesting adventure, that's for sure. For the next couple weeks I'm trying to enjoy my son and daughter as much as possible.
I didn't take summer college classes this year so that we could do as many fun activities as possible before the new addition arrived and my oldest started Pre-K. We went on nature walks, hikes through the woods, swimming, had fun at the splash park, spent TONS of time at the library and reading books. I tried to get them out of the house as much as possible. Our family went to a couple weddings and spent time with family and friends as much as we could. Once the baby is born and winter hits I am sensing a semi lock down at our house until we all get the hang of things.

I feel like these last weeks are going to drag on with anticipation of our new arrival. Everyday the aches and pains of the third trimester intensify. Luckily I am finding some relief with weekly visits to the chiropractor, however I haven't been able to find a remedy for the electric shock like pains that randomly shoot down my legs periodically throughout the day. I swear I look like a crazy person when I get them in public. I trip and scream out in pain....which causes people to whip their heads around and stare at me. Oh, the joys of pregnancy! :)

Family Fun Night (at home)

Family Fun Night is something we started with the kids about a year ago. We try to have one about once a month. It's all about spending time at home with the family. We order pizza, pick up the kids favorite junk food snacks and choose a movie to watch. After we eat dinner it's time for a fun family friendly movie. We lay a big blanket down on the floor, put out all the pillows we can find, bring out our blankets and snuggle as we watch the movie. Of course we eat tons of popcorn and gummy worms! 

Our kids favorite parts are "pizza from the pizza man", gummy worms and having both of us watch a movie with them. 

I can't wait until they are old enough to play board games!! 

Here is a picture from our very first "Family Fun Night".

Out of the mouths of babes

Jackson was sitting in the dirt playing before we were about to leave the house. My husband asked him not to get his pants dirty. His response: "Dad, it's ok! These are my work pants." :) 

The Pressures of Potty Training a Little Girl

"You need to potty train that girl already!" "Oh, I think she's ready to be potty trained!" "She can talk, she doesn't need diapers."

Those were the comments I was getting shortly after my daughter turned two years old. I received endless advice and heard countless success stories. As if being in diapers at two was the worst possible situation for a little girl. Then almost as soon as I announced that I was pregnant with my third child the floodgates opened. Countless people were telling me that I had better hurry up and get that girl out of diapers before the new baby arrives. One of the statements I heard the most was, "Girls are so much easier to potty train." I was told stories of mothers potty training their little girls by 18 months of age and how simple it was to do. Basically, I was made to feel like my daughter was behind others her age and I had to catch her up to some invisible deadline.
At first I felt the pressure of wanting to please others and the yearning to have that accomplishment out of the way. I tried. I did. For a solid week I took away diapers. I bribed my 2 year old with Hershey chocolate kisses for using the toilet. I set timers and rushed her to the bathroom every 20-30 minutes after she drank something. I bought her "big girl" under ware. I sang and did a happy dance every time she made it to the toilet. She had ME trained to take her to the bathroom and it was exhausting.
However, after a few days the novelty wore off for her and for myself. Potty time became fight time. She didn't want to do it. I'd catch her hiding behind chairs or in the corner using the carpet as a restroom. I cleaned more messes then I care to remember. My carpet and my patience were suffering. It was frustrating. We were both frustrated, but I didn't want to give up, and I didn't want to fail. By the end of the week she was begging me to let her wear diapers again. She was adamant about wearing them. As a matter of fact, she started putting diapers on herself and changing them after they were soiled. We were both tired and it was obvious that SHE wasn't ready. So I stopped fighting and trying to bribe her to do something she evidently did not want to do. We let it go and I ignored the commentary and advice that I continued to receive.
Fast forward about 6 months. One day out of the blue my daughter looked at me and said, "No more diapers. I'm a big girl now." She took off her diaper, went to her dresser, pulled out the under ware that I had purchased for her months earlier, and put them on. Ever since that day she has been using the toilet. Some days I have to remind her to stop what she is doing and go, and there have been a few accidents every once in a while. Sometimes we've had to pick her up and rush her to the bathroom as quickly as possible. There have been times when we have been out shopping and she waits until we are on the farthest end of the store from the restroom to announce, "Mommy! I have to go potty!"
It's been an adventure for sure, but since that day when she decided she was done with diapers there has been no going back, only moving forward.
To be perfectly honest, dealing with diapers isn't the worst thing in the world. Every child is different and does things at their own speed and with their own style. I learned that my daughter is extremely independent and intelligent. She wants to do everything herself on her own timeline. Sometimes this can be challenging, but in the case of potty training I needed to allow her to do her own thing and not force her into something she wasn't fully comfortable with. She takes pride in her accomplishments, and you can see the satisfaction on her face. Letting her take the lead has given her confidence, which is a quality that I want all my children to possess. Being a mom is a journey and I've learned that there are going to be people pressuring me to do things a certain way or raise my children their way. Ultimately I need to do what is best and what works for MY family and remember that just because something might work for someone else's family doesn't mean that it will work for mine.