Co-sleeping is one of the most controversial topics that I've come across in my almost 5 years of being a mom. It's a subject that sometimes I don't even want to bring up around certain groups of people because I don't feel like I should have to defend myself. When we tell the majority of people that our kids share our bed we often get negative reactions. I've been told that I need to get them to sleep in their own beds and that they are never going to leave our bed. The most heard phrase has been, "You'll be sorry!". Immediately after learning that we bed share people assume that we want advice on how to stop or on how to get our kids out of the family bed and into their own beds. I don't think it even crosses their minds that it is ok with us. Or that we don't mind it. It's just one of those subjects that, in my opinion, is to each their own. It works for some families and doesn't for others. It just so happens to work for our family.
Our co-sleeping journey started almost immediately after our son was born. When we brought him home from the hospital he was put into a bassinet in a separate room to sleep at night. Only he didn't sleep. He would fall asleep in my arms after feedings only to wake up minutes after I lay him down. I was given advice to let him cry it out and told that I would only be spoiling him by picking him up and that he needed to be trained to sleep on his own. Which to me was absurd. How could I not respond to my newborn's cries? It took a few sleepless nights for me to realize that all he wanted was his momma, he needed me. It was like a wake up call. After spending 9 months carrying him inside of me and then being put in a room to sleep two days later where he couldn't see/feel/touch/smell me had to be terrifying for him. My mommy instincts kicked in and I trusted them wholeheartedly. We both weren't getting any sleep so I did what I thought was best....I moved into the room with him at night and guess what? Everyone got sleep. It was wonderful. Some nights he slept in his bassinet with my hand draped in and other nights I brought him in bed with me, while my husband slept peacefully in our room. As our son got older he would often times sleep in his crib in his own room for days at a time with no problem. Then before his first birthday he started having night terrors and we moved him in a pack n play next to our bed. Over the last four and a half years we let him determine on his own how comfortable he was sleeping alone. If he felt comfortable sleeping in a different room then we let him. We never turned him away when he came crawling into our bed halfway through the night.
When our 2nd child was born I didn't even attempt to separate her from myself at night. She was breastfed so we shared a bed, just the two of us, until she was bigger and slept through the night. At around 9 months she slept in her own room for a while, but we continued breast feeding until she was a little over 2 years of age. Now at just about 3 year old she is sleeping in our bed full-time.
I honestly wouldn't have it any other way right now. Most nights I end up sleeping at the end of our king sized bed with the kids sprawled out wherever they fall asleep. Whenever they have a bad dream or wake up scared they find either me or my husband to cuddle with and fall right back to sleep. Sometimes all it takes is for them to reach over and touch one of us to feel safe again. Some nights I wake up with a kick in the face or with both my kids fighting over who gets to share mommy's pillow. Regardless, I wouldn't change our sleeping situation for anything. I feel so blessed to have that extra cuddle time with them every night and morning. There's just something special about being over to reach over in the middle of the night and feel that both my kids are sleeping and safe.
As for having clingy, dependent children (like the myth of co-sleeping talks about)....I feel like I have the opposite. Both my kids are relatively shy with people they don't know well, but so are my husband and myself. Once they know and trust someone their personalities shine through. They are both very independent and adventurous children. During the day my kids go off and play independently for pretty much the entire day. The only time they come to us is when they need help with something, want us to play a game with them, want to show us something they figured out, are hungry/thirsty, have to tell us a story about something that just happened, or if they are tired and want to lay down. I've been blessed with children who are very good at entertaining themselves, and never once have I heard them say that they are bored. Our oldest had no problem going off to preschool. There was no separation anxiety what so ever. In fact the first day I dropped him off he told me to leave. Our daughter had a little bit of a problem being dropped off at Sunday School, but after she realized that we always came back for her she ran to be dropped off.
Co-sleeping obviously isn't for everyone, but it works for us. It has built a trust between our children and ourselves. They know that they can come to us with whatever is bothering them and we will respond to them no matter what time of day/night. That trust is something that I hope will continue and grow even after they leave our room.
Thinking about Co-sleeping? Don't take my word for it. One of my favorite articles on co-sleeping by Dr. Sears: http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/sleep-problems/co-sleeping-yes-no-sometimes
No comments:
Post a Comment